Lines

When your baby is in the NICU there are a lot of life saving "lines" that go into him.  IV lines, A-lines, feeding lines, oxygen lines, the list goes on and on.  Before long a small city of monitors is set-up around him monitoring and supporting these lines.  There are constant wissings, beepings, blowings, and gushings going on.  Not to mention the alarms - oh how we hate the alarms.  They really make your heart race.  However, as we have been living this experience I have also learned that there are other lines.  Lines between parent and child.  

A few days ago (11-15-11) my mother and I were waiting to be let into the NICU unit.  This is common.  If there is a procedure going on when you show up to visit the nurses generally ask the receptionist to have you wait before coming back to visit.  And so we were waiting.  I was checking emails and trying to catch up on phone calls when all of a sudden I became very, very anxious.  My stomach started churning, my heart racing, my breaths quickening.  I didn't know why but I just couldn't calm down.  So I said a little prayer asking my Father in Heaven to calm me down and calm Baby Z down.  To allow Baby Z to be relaxed and let whatever procedure they were attempting to happen.  I really felt that my anxiety was a direct reflection of my sons.  They must be doing something that he really did not like.  Out of curiosity, and in hopes to settle my nerves, I asked the receptionist what procedure they were trying to perform.  She called back and found out they were trying to put in an A-line (arterial line - one directly into an artery which allows for more accurate readings of blood oxygen saturation).  They had been trying to get this line in since he had arrived, sticking him 2 or 3 times a day with no luck.  The doctors kept insisting this line go in, however difficult, because it was so vital to monitoring Baby Z's stability.  Thus they kept trying and he kept resisting.  This would easily explain his anxiety.  So I went back to the waiting area and once more sent up a prayer to heaven asking that the nurses and doctors attending Baby Z would be successful in sticking the A-line and that Baby Z would relax and allow for this procedure to be successful.  A few minutes later we were allowed into the room to see him and to our great joy the A-line was in!  No more sticking him throughout the day and much more accurate readings.  It was a miracle and literally an answer to prayers.

Sometimes Nathan and I feel a bit guilty leaving Baby Z alone in the NICU.  We want to be there every moment so that if anything were to happen we would know about it and be there to make the tough decisions and pray mightly the very moment pray was needed.  But we need our rest too and we need to spend time with our other daughter.  And so I am learning that there is a line of communication and awareness that does not need you to be physically present to obtain.  I know that as Baby Z's mother I have been blessed to be aware of his needs and his emotions.  And I know that as a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father I am being blessed to know when I need to pray, when I need to worry, and when I need to sleep and recover and prepare for the days to come.  I am very grateful for all the lifesaving lines in our lives but most importantly the ones between me and my Heavenly Father.  It is because of this line that I am able to help raise his son and now mine, Baby Z.